Worst possible "date" ever... (NOT MINE)

Hey readers, read the following somewhere, its damn funny (courtesy: Malodrax )
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Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.



I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??











So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!








So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.









I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:







I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....








At that point things get even worse...





The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.










All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad). 

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.




anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?

Just for fun!

Avatar and my ancestral religion

Today I finally got the opportunity to watch James Cameroon's Avatar (3D) in IMAX. I did see this movie in Dec last year but that was in Fame-Surat, 2D and Hindi, undoubtedly an insult to the genius Cameroon is.

Teaser Poster

Though I was literally emotionally black-mailed by Sumit (friend and ex-colleague) to watch this movie again. (which didn't appeal to me and I still believe for its technically generated grandiose, the movie fails to deliver quality entertainment ) But we enjoyed the movie, by the end of the movie Sumit almost fell in love with the female Na'vi protagonist, princess of the Omaticaya ... Neytiri. Now this is indeed an example of mixture of Astrophilia and Paraphilia :P

Neytiri-the huntress in her pristine form, Interesting Sumit, huh

Anyways, the thing I would like to discuss today the parallelism of astonishing degree I noticed between my ancestral religion-Hinduism and Avatar-the movie. The features of movie which I noticed were:


1) Avatar, the term is associated with Hinduism means the incarnation of Hindu gods.
2)The core concept of Hinduism is that all animate and inanimate things are the result of a single energy source, which is Brahman or God. All the plants, animals, human beings rise and fall in this single energy source. One of the important themes of Avatar is the existence of existence of Nature God by the name of Mother Eywa. In the movie, the Na'vis are able to physically connect to animals and plants. And they believe that they are just a part of the whole which includes all animate and inanimate present on their planet Pandora. This concept is explained beautifully and there is a magical scene in which the Tree is connected to the human body and this body is connected to all the Na’vis through holding their hands each other.

Na'vis worshiping Eywa

3)Another concept found in Hindu Puranas is Parakaya Pravesham – leaving one’s body temporarily and entering the body of another person. Adi Shankaracharya is believed to have done this to enter a king’s body so that he can learn about material world. Something quite similar happens in the movies as Humans are able to temporarily enter the body of a Na’vi.


4)Another striking aspect is the use of the color blue. Hindu Gods are depicted blue in color. Blue is the color of the infinite. All Hindu gods are an attempt by the human mind to give form to the formless Brahman (God). The color blues symbolizes immeasurable and all pervading reality – formless Brahman.

Radha-Krishna 

5) A more visible symbol in the movie is that of the characters in Avatar riding on a flying dragon like being. This is more like Lord Vishnu riding on Garuda.

 Bhagwan Vishnu on Garuda

6) One more similarity was the way Na'vis greet eachother. Na'vis say "I see you." which is very close to Namaste used by Hindus. Namaste means "I bow to you."


These are my observations, my mom would be glad and thrilled  to hear this (she is a devout hindu). You guys can add to it or disagree. As always am open to criticism.


Namaste
vsr

Confession time

Like every sinner vsr also tries to vent of his frust through confessions. 
I know I am in mess, work-wise, doing something I don't want to;
I never express how grateful I am to my mom-dad, I hate myself because I make them wait for a phone-call from me for days. I haven't done anything to make them proud;
I want to work hard on almost everything.
 enough for today, some masti time :-)
And I love to explore Cal and (like)few of my fellow interns, they are wonderful people. I know I would miss them once I ll be back in xl.
few pics:

This is Dakshineshwar temple, it had the longest queue I have ever seen anywhere 

St. Paul Cathedral, magnificent and grand are the words

Tata Steel building, a friend from Bombay once said "this building has too much of steel", indeed ;-)

I work here :-)

A lot more to come.


hasta la vista,
vsr

Almost there: "Catholics-6, Jews-3, Protestants-0"

If Elena Kagan is confirmed to replace retiring Justice John Paul Stevens, the Supreme Court would for the first time in its history be without a justice belonging to America's largest religious affiliations -- the Protestant traditions.


I read this somewhere: " Protestants, with their fixation on inclusion and pluralism, have managed to relegate themselves to insignificance. Way to go, geniuses."

Bench just before Kagan

xoxo,

vsr

Cameron and Clegg Share a Joke

Cameron and Clegg (the new PM and deputy PM) from traditionally opposing parties here make their first joint press conference, and to the relief of many, manage to appear to be getting on — at least so far as to share a joke.
btw, being a conservative I think Tories gave too much power to Nick Clegg :(
video for u





xoxo,
vsr

Sadistic Pleasure!

After first round exit from T-20 world cup 2010, we Indians finally got something to cheer about; Pakistan lost semis against Australia. And we are so happy about it (remember Ind-Aus sledging controversy). Aha, when will our pak-obsession would end (am no different than others in it).
Interesting facebook update by a friend:

Gmail chat status message of another dear friend

suddenly we can't stop praising once snobbish ozzies. 
xoxo,
vsr

Use-disuse & betrayal

Past 1 month I was trying to connect knot of friendship between us. But today I realised somethings aren't possible and some people do not deserve attention and care. But I am sad because my intentions weren't malicious. I hope one day that person would realise I was worth more than that :(

This pic truly represents my current state

xoxo,

vsr

Change Captured

Today I encountered this assorted picture of a family. Its a incredible piece and a result of persistent far-sightedness. I will try to do this with my future family too ;), but I will have five kids instead of three (hopefully).

Click to enlarge (its impressive)

Jerusalem Day

Israelis and Jews around the world celebrate May 12 as Jerusalem day, commemorating the reunification of Jerusalem and the establishment of Israeli control over the Old City in June 1967. 

Few pictures from the "Old city": 

Map of old City (notice the division into four quarters)

Church of Holy Sepulchre, the site of death and resurrection of Christ

St. James Cathedral, holiest place for all Armenians

Al-Aqsa mosque, the way to heaven for Prophet , 3rd most sacred place for all Muslims

Wailing Wall, the most sacred place for all Jews, remanent of the last Temple of Jerusalem

Persian hope

Among Time 100 of 2010, Zahra Rahnavard, wife of Mir Hossein Mousavi is a very apt choice. A writer and sculptor Dr. Rahnavard  was born in a Sh'ia and anti-communist family. She was an early revolutionary and close aide to Ali Shariati, a dissident Islamist leader, instrumental in uprooting Shah in 1979. She has served as political advisor to  Mohammad Khatami. This learned woman was  first woman-Chancellor of Al-zahra University in Tehran after 1979 only to be removed from that post by Ahmadinejad’s Government in 2006 because she had invited Shirin Ebadi, the Iranian human rights activist and Nobel laureate, to give a lecture.

Last year she was in news for lending sparkle to the campaign of her distinctly low-key, uncharismatic husband, introducing him at rallies, addressing meetings solo and writing newspaper articles. She came under international media spotlight when she demanded apology from Ahmadinejad for accusing her of obtaining her various educational degrees through contacts. Her  ferocity was unmatched by any of the three opponents of Mr. Ahmadinejad.

The thing because of which I look up to her are her floral headscarf and open black chador that reveals colourful clothes beneath, and appearing hand-in-hand with her husband, giving clear signal to reformist that she stands for women equality and  would live up to her name (Zahra: white flower) in bringing peace and tranquility to Iran. I would love to see her in place of her aging husband as the presidential candidate next time. 

Till then, Ma'am keep adding stars to your sky-high résumé.